I want to do some scuba diving - however,?

Question

I find the cost of the equipment abhorrently expensive and thus object to paying. I have a small pond in my grounds - nothing grand - about 50 metres diameter and about 10 metres deep. I am curious to see what's hidden under the water. I have heard rumours that there are two UXB from WW 2 and even some artifacts hitherto owned by none other than Adolf (apparently remnants of a plane crash in 1940).
I plan to make two air tanks out of plastic tubing, sealed at each end with a small piece of rubber hose attached as a breathing mechanism.
I realise there is a slight element of danger so I was wondering if I could borrow someone or get a volunteer for the first dive?

Answer 1

My good Sir, my second cousin Rupert Favershm-Shaftsworthy’Smythe whom unfortunately is the abseil second cousin to Lord Percy fawcett’Smythe fancied himself as a bit of a Sub aqua naught and a Do it yourself inventor?

He undertook an exploration of Shaftsworthy lake which is said to hold the city of Atlantis within its murky depths, he did however construct the Rupert-Shaft underwater breathertron made up from old vacuum hose and two Co2 fire extinguisher, this was three years ago and no one has seen him since then, I do believe this contraption may have worked or that he has been held prisoner by the Shaft Atlantians, either way if you see him can you tell him he still owes me the cost for the Nylon diving suite he borrowed. Tally ho

Answer 2

Hey! Old Chap, I think your idea is fundamentally flawed, why not try my tried and tested method.

First, buy a rather large goldfish bowl, you need it to be transparent to see around you, then attach a length of hose, common of garden will do, to a clip stuck to you left ear, attach the other end to your bellows, you know, the one your man uses when lighting the fires, put the bowl over your head, then, Bingo! off you jolly well go into the murky depths, your manservant pumping away to his hearts content, the bubbles will rise to the surface, one more thing, if you find any golf balls down there, remember your old comrade, and send them on to me!, (I actually lost one on Monday, would you believe it it was a Pro V1 too!)

Answer 3

I,sir am a first class diver.I take two fisherman's friends before I go down below ! If I was you though,I would just get some chaps in to drain the lake,allowing more to for roguish banter!!!

Answer 4

I'll send along my elder manservant young man. I do believe he's been around longer than the aircraft described, so will have little problem in recognising the craft in question.

Answer 5

I believe this is a perfect job for Jenkins ( your 96 old butler )-- just hook up the air hose to a small wet /dry vac( remember to set to blow, not suck mode)-- should work fine-- if something happens to Jenkins, consider it a burial at sea

Answer 6

Cuthbertson is on his way at this very moment, if he should expire dispose of him the easiest way or just dump him somewhere. Cant help you other than that. If, however, it was muff diving, then I am your man.

Answer 7

this is a perfect recipe for suicide.



DO NOT DO IT.



ten metres and possible UXB's is specialist stuff best done by someone who knows what they are doing.

Answer 8

Ask that missus of yours